2018

New year!

Anytime we can reconsider priorities.

But when a new page turns, I feel the pression to rethink: what is done, and what next...

Slow as I move my chess stones, quick developments around me flushes by.

What have I been doing in my life?

Living.

What I would like to do now?

Live life, instead of living.

I am convinced, Art of being is more than I do.

Why? because feeling myself being pushed to live what circumstances are, more than deciding which directions to go.

Choices to let go, or to go.

That can change half way, or never.

Be content with however we live is acceptation of our choices, conscious or not.

When I will be so far...

Questioning so long, what are my qualities, what am I good in, which work could I do to find myself fitting in this world, it is strangling my hersens.

Answers are vague.

In this mist, sometimes seems to be visible I could do more with my drawings or ideas.

But soon enough I don't see the way further.

The possibility of a life job.

I see what I could do for work, but bureaucracy, diplomas, experiences inquiries, decides for me to try another jobs. To be creative of doing something else...

Like rabbits survival instinct, we humans do the same, hide our fears, our insecurities, hesitations, doubts, just to let see to the world how strong we are, how capable.

I am strong, but have also doubts.

Too many doubts of my choices.

Would be clever to stop doubting, but I cannot help to see in this mist how much I try to fit, how less I am.

To fit or to be?

But to be depends on to fit in this world.

Where is my place, where I belong to, how I can play a contributing rol?

Hope to find soon some rest in my mind.

To see a light in the beginning of the tunnel.